Ride or Die

There are days where you wake up and your mind is blank. It looks like the Sahara. Just miles and miles of nothingness. Sand is literally coming out of your eyes and you can’t explain why you’re so tired and thirsty despite drinking a thousand litres of water yesterday and sleeping for nine hours.

Other days you wake up and you’re as sharp as … I don’t know, a new knife? Like Brian from Limitless when he takes that pill. Anyway, you wake up geared for life. You remember everything!

Today is one of those days. The sharp kind. Which is kind of sad because, at the moment, Eve and I are at an impasse. And I can’t help but think about how we got here.

So, here’s the story:

true story

Long ago, a friend of mine decided he wanted to buy some chicken. I couldn’t have cared less but because I was a go-with-the-flow kind of dude, I said, “I could get some too.” I didn’t want them then but I had a freezer. So when eventually the taste for chicken came, they wouldn’t be far away. So we bought a couple of chickens each from none other than Eve. From that chance purchase, we started talking.

Soon, mandem had caught feelings. Urgh! It must have been from that time she gave back my hoodie. Luckily, Eve caught feelings too and before long we were engaged. Now, technically, all my hoodies are hers. I told you this one is a crafty one.

The engagement was not all sunshine and rainbows though. We still had to get to know each other better (although you should still keep the mystery going. Right now she doesn’t know I’m telling you this story – MYSTERY!). Sort of give each other time to really decide whether or not we’re willing to tolerate each other forever.

Forever.

For.

Ever!

Fortunately …

FOREVER!

Sorry. Fortunately, we were both stubborn enough to keep the fire burning as they say. We took premarital classes where they told us that we can still run away. We had time. But we were determined to have that wedding.

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So we got married. We moved in together after the honeymoon.

Then I found out she squeezes the toothpaste from wherever she damn well pleases. I was freaking out! Was I prepared to live with someone that barbaric? That uncouth! Would she next put on the toilet paper the wrong way?

Yes. The answer is yes.

But I still loved this girl. And I had made a vow. Ride or die. In sickness, in health; in plenty or in lack; the toothpaste thing wasn’t in there but it should have been.

PS: I’m not saying I’m faultless but this is my blog and I can write what I want, savvy? Also, in her vows should have been, “Akinianika kwa blog ama akose kunianika.”

I chose not to focus on the small stuff juu hata mimi I know I sleep like a starfish and that can be annoying to a bedmate. #Starboy

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For the most part, we’re good. Marriage is fun. You have someone to annoy perpetually and that is a gift I thank the Lord for. I finally get to use my talent and the Bible says, “To him who has more will be given.” Muhaha! Eve hana bahati.

But sometimes marriage isn’t fun. Sometimes you have to argue. Argue about that toothpaste, about how someone (me) doesn’t listen to someone (her) when she says … (I honestly don’t remember whatever that was about. It’s only here to lengthen the word count). And right now, this impasse we have is about to get heated.

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See, it’s breakfast time and there’s only one egg left in this house. We both want it and none of us wants to go get some more because:

  1. It’s Saturday and I’m not wearing pants for no one.
  2. It’s Saturday and she’s not wearing a bra for no one.

She argues that pants are easier to put on than a bra and I don’t counter because she’s right. I have unhooked those things and if that’s just taking them off, I cannot imagine putting one on. I should just let her have it since I don’t even like breakfast but if I don’t appear to care, she’ll feel guilty that she’s eating alone. I’m arguing out of love.

Sijui hapa kutaenda aje but if we survived (and continue to survive) the toothpaste thing, we’ll survive this.

Moral of the story, the chicken came before the egg.

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