Eve and I spend Saturdays in the kitchen. We do all sorts of experiments in there. Not sexual ones though because there is a high risk of getting something on fire. Nobody likes burnt sausage.
We work on food. Foods that normally we wouldn’t prepare.
Mostly, we bake.
Or more accurately, mostly I bake. She just watches. Probably to make sure I don’t mistake the salt for the sugar. Or to absolve herself from any backfired dishes. She’s a sneaky one, that wife of mine. This Saturday, however, she’s gone off to do her hair and I am left with all this time on my hands that I don’t know what to do with.
She’s been gone for four hours now.
Do you know how long that is in newlywed time?
It’s four hours!
But it feels like forever.
So, I decide to bake. A cake for when she gets back and it came out splendid.
Here’s a picture.
Now, the fun part about cakes is when you get to eat them. This is the best part. Considering I haven’t had my breakfast yet, I’m not about to wait for Eve to get back. I take a bite of my delicious creation.
Then I find out that it’s the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted. And I have tasted a lot of disgusting things. Like that toothpaste made of salt. Or the constant disappointment that is Arsenal FC – heart-wrenching stuff. But this cake… this cake is the worst thing in the world.
I understand that there are worse things but it’s my blog, let me have this.
If God was still writing the Bible and this was Genesis, He’d certainly say that this cake was NOT good. I think this is why He said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Because when this man was alone, he made this cake.
I blame Eve. If she were here, she’d have told me that I measured too much coffee for the batter. But, alas, this is the purpose of an experiment. To see whether the results are worthwhile. This time, they were not.
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
I feel like puking. Nay, I feel like dying. This is what the Grim Reaper eats for fun.
And I just did something I thought I’d never do. Something I’ve only seen on TV or in movies. Something I have only attributed to Wypipo. Something despicable!
I threw the whole thing away. Right. In. The. Garbage.
I threw a cake away, guys. And my insides feel like they’re being torn apart! All that mixing. All that waiting for it to cool so I can decorate. All those tokens. All that buttercream.
I should have just made toast. Or stayed in bed till Eve came back.
Na vile that buttercream took some muscle… Get thee behind me, Satan.
In other news, I’ve been married a year now. It’s been fun. Marriage is cool if you marry the right person. Don’t listen to the haters out there, dudes.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.