Drones

It rained this evening. It rained for an hour. Not a long time if you think about it. If you were watching a romantic movie when the rain started, this would be the part when the lovers “break up” because one of them heard something that puts the other in a bad light. They’d then need their respective best friends or siblings to smack some sense into them before they meet in front of a fountain or whatever to “make up”. But they’re not at the fountain yet so calm down.

The hour-long downpour was enough to quench the parched earth. The dust turned to mud and portholes became puddles. At a certain point, there was a rainbow in the sky at the end of which was no pot of gold because leprechauns do not exist. Children played in the mud, splashing each other in the runoffs that bordered the roads and paths. Their mothers looked on planning how they would whoop those tiny human beings for playing in the dirt. “Let them have fun,” they said to themselves. “Let them have fun for now.”

The sun set and all was well with the world. That is, apart from everything all the governments were doing. Somewhere in an office, a man was coming up with a bill that would oppress another. He would hope that there were like-minded individuals who would support his bill and turn it into a law. Inevitably planting seeds of dissent and unwittingly sparking a revolution. The only governments we’re concerned about though, are the ones run by pissed off mothers. If you listened closely, the sound of wailing children could be heard. But that was neither here nor there.

keeping calm during armageddon

Eve and I had a pleasant evening of silence (except for the occasional child’s weeping piercing through our bubble). Of the two couches we own, one is considerably larger (it’s basically a bed) and this is the couch Eve has claimed for herself. I get the smaller one but I don’t mind. I have loved the smaller couch for years. It used to belong to my dad and it might even be older than me. I’m sure I’ll get rid of it eventually but not today. Today this couch is my safe haven. I only have 200 pages of this It book left and by Jove, I must finish them!

Sidenote, Jove refers to one of the Roman gods. Maybe Jupiter, maybe Juno. I don’t know… one of them. I’m not really swearing by them but I just wanted to use the phrase “By Jove!” at least one time on this blog.

Eve lounged in the larger seat playing a game on her phone which is eerily similar to Candy Crush but it is not actually Candy Crush, tucked in and laughing at the wailing children. If you asked her she’d say that she wasn’t but she definitely was. In my head, I think that a time will come (probably soon) when she’s the one making children wail. She looks like she’d enjoy it too… These smily smily people, you can’t be too careful…

Bitmoji Image

 

*****

In another location, a meeting is taking place in the dark. Should the place be illuminated one would see a bush surrounded by brown stagnant water. The bush itself is nothing spectacular. Just a regular nonflowering bush. The leaves of it would glisten from the recent downpour, its usually dusty stem would glow like an oil painting. But it is dark so you can’t see all these things. It is around this bush where there’s a tangible buzz of excitement from the attendees. Hundreds of bugs zig and zag and zip around. Most of them are female, the males having performed their conjugal duties were somewhere resting. Probably having a few nectar beers. The random males available are looking for any randy females. They’re not likely to find any in this crowd. They eventually lose hope and leave.

One of the attendants speaks up. It is a fat mosquito barely able to hover. The others call her Mama Bzzz. “Sisters! We gather here tonight to prepare for war!”

The buzz is electrifying. 

“What we desire is inside those houses! We must take what we need lest we die!”

Applause ie. More buzzing. 

“Let’s split up and we shall meet here at dawn. You three, your target is inside that house. Anopheles 1, you’re in charge of your team. The rest of you …”

*****

 

I don’t know how many pages eventually put me to sleep but the next thing I know is Eve has pulled off my blanket. The warm one I like to cuddle with. She did it so aggressively though. Eish! “Twende tulale,” she says. Again, I reiterate, these smily smily people, wachunge.

I don’t want to go to sleep but kesho ni job so I kind of have to. After checking the doors, switching off the lights, and taking my customary pee, I head to bed. I fall asleep hard. (Hard as in I slept like a log not that I was hard. Well, I might have been hard but that’s not the point I was putting across.)

Bitmoji Image

 

*****

4 am.

Anopheles 1 and her team stake out the house. They have been waiting for hours for the man and his wife to go to bed. To go deep into that REM sleep. 

“It’s time,” she says. “Let’s go.”

Two of her colleagues follow. There would be blood.

*****

 

Sometimes I wish that I could shut my ears the same way I can shut my eyes. This was one of those times. It’s 4 in the morning (AGAIN!) and there’s this buzzing in my ear. A mosquito! A bug has stirred me from my sleep. Eve is still out like a light though… These smily smily people… So now I’m wide awake like that Katy Perry song, trying to follow the buzzing sound around the room. I switch on the light and it floods into my pupils and straight into my brain. I suddenly know what photons are! Eve stirs a bit but stays in slumberland.

I get out of bed, naked and afraid (or in a pair of shorts – depends on how you want to visualize this story), looking for that pesky pest. I find it and pounce, man bits flailing everywhere like a flag in a windstorm, and kill it leaving a red spot on the wall.

Bitmoji Image

“Good riddance to you,” I whisper.

Then there’s another buzz in the other corner of the room. Now I’m like, “What in the actual hell?!” I rush to the corner and I’m jumping jumping like Destiny’s Child, trying to kill this other insect. I finally succeed. The thing is dead. My hands are bloody.

Then there’s another buzz and let’s just say I went back to bed at 5:10 am at which point I was just done with life. I had an hour before my alarm went off and I wanted to make the most of the time I had left. Eve never woke up during all of this by the way… These smily smily people…

 

*****

Dawn.

Anopheles 1’s team doesn’t return.

Mama Bzzz curses before being promptly eaten by the early bird. 

*****

 

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