Bone of my Bone

Hi guys.

It’s funny how God works, isn’t it? I have been making excuses for not writing for the past few weeks. I’ve been too busy with work but my wife’s constant poking and prodding have finally paid off. Also, she told me that she’d tell Jesus on me.so scare

So, here we are. I’m in the office and Kenya Power has decided to do what Kenya Power does. I find myself suddenly not too busy. But writing is hard so I look for a distraction. Instagram, Twitter, even Pinterest but alas, I cannot distract myself because for the first time in ages, my phone doesn’t have charge. Can you believe that? Like, Jesus, surely! Are these the plans you have for me? Now I have to resort to caveman tendencies and use… ugh… a pen and paper. I don’t even remember the last time I actually wrote something down on paper but it is what it is. Nothing to do now except do it. Or sleep, but I doubt Jesus will let me.

Anyway, since we’re here now, I’d like to tell you about something interesting I read before I was too busy to read. From this post’s title, you can probably guess what it’s about. If you can’t, then I don’t know how to help you.

Bitmoji Image

In the beginning, God made man (or mankind). In your bible, you may notice that the word ‘man’ is singular – although the bible says that this man was a them (pronoun game was strong with this one). This man was both male and female and they were nameless up till Genesis 2 after the man had named the animals. At that point, God said that it wasn’t good for the man to be alone. Once this great epiphany was made, the man got a name – Adam. Now, God caused the man Adam to fall into a deep sleep basically knocking him out and performed the very first surgery.

While Adam slept and dreamt of prancing antelope, God took part of his ‘rib’ (some translations say ‘side’) and from that part, He created the woman – not Eve (at least not yet), but woman. When Adam woke up and saw the woman he was like, “Holy crap!” but the word crap wasn’t invented yet so he spewed forth a poem:

This is now bone of my bones

And flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called Woman

Because she was taken out of Man.

Beautiful, isn’t it?

adorable

And the woman was like, “Aaaaww.” And from that moment on, men have been writing poetry for women. This is the origin of RnB.

“So what’s your point, Mark?” I hear you say?

Si you relax. Let me learn you something.

This part of the bible, while used for officiating many a wedding ceremony, is our focus today. You see, while we casually glance over the fact that women are the greatest thing God gave men (I mean, everything God made was good, but man being alone was definitely not), let’s look at the ‘rib’ part.

But first, some context. There I was, minding my own business and looking for something to pass the time when I came across this book called The Uncensored Bible. Boy-oh-boy, the things in there! Some I agree with, some I don’t but we weren’t there when the bible was being written so God only knows.

Bitmoji Image

Anywho, it seems that in the Hebrew, the word for ‘rib’ used in the passage is ambiguous. Maybe because Moses didn’t want to be vulgar when he wrote Genesis. Or maybe the word ‘rib’ was the closest thing he could use. Some translations completely ignore the word rib and just say ‘side’ instead. Are you ready to hear why?

Well, it turns out that scholars (and evolutionists) believe that man once upon a time had this bone called a baculum. Most primates have this bone but dear old us who can read do not. For those who won’t Google the word, it simply means the penis bone. Yes, we used to have a mechanical system before God replaced it with hydraulics.

Bitmoji Image

Now, the word ‘side’ has been systemically used to refer to either the right or the left but realistically, you can be surrounded on all sides, right? Which means that you have a frontside and a backside. So, Moses may have been alluding to the front side where the baculum was. Therefore, the Lord took a bone from man’s side and closed up the place with flesh.

So, it appears that the woman was formed from man’s frontside thus explaining why biologically, man doesn’t really have one less rib but he is definitely missing a baculum. And to further emphasise this theory, this closing up of the flesh explains why there’s a fleshy scar-like thing on the underside of the penis.

So there you go. Bone of my boner, flesh of my flesh. I forgot to say that the Hebrew word for flesh here may refer to that flesh. Women were basically formed from men’s most sensitive part hence why that part is so sensitive around women (birds of a feather!). Also explains why women have sensitive skin – I mean, come on.

Sorry if I have ruined your entire existence. Ni Kenya Power, si mimi.

Bitmoji Image

***

By the way, the woman got her name way, way after the temptation. This is probably why it’s so easy for a man to just simply call her, “Woman!”

4 Comments

1 Trackback / Pingback

  1. The Death of a Houseplant - This Post is About

Leave a Reply